After a completely futile and depressing trip to Winners to look at bathing suits, I've decided to write a post that will help women everywhere find that most elusive of things - a flattering bikini. I'd like to start by listing some simple rules that I like to keep in mind while trying on two-piece suits:
1. At no point should the crack of your ass be visible. Low rise bikini bottoms are obviously for women who have abnormal butts. If you're planning on sitting down while you're on the beach, you should consider a high rise bikini bottom. If you're planning on doing any kind of gymnastics on the beach, you should consider a one piece. If your butt crack shows while you're standing up, for God's sake, get another suit!
2. The bottom half of your boobs should not fall out of the bottom of the bikini top. If you are no longer wearing a training bra or have not recently had breast augmentation surgery, you probably don't want to wear a string bikini top - it's like trying to balance a grapefruit on dental floss.
3. The top half of your boobs should not squeeze out of the top of the bikini top. If you notice this, you should grab a larger size. (Ditto for any part of your butt that squeezes out of your bikini bottoms...)
4. Repeat after me: "Thongs are NOT an option!"
I think most women can appreciate the pain I went through. The first suit fit fine on the bottom, but the top was held together with dental floss and my boobs were falling out. The second suit gave me a serious case of plumber's butt, so I didn't even bother with the top half. The third suit was actually supposed to be in the teens' section but I only saw the "medium" tag on the hanger and didn't notice. (I may need therapy to deal with this one...) And the last one would have been perfect if I was in the habit of wearing diapers under my suit. It was nice to find one that was too big for a change, though.
So, my most important piece of advice for women looking for a flattering bikini: give yourself at least three months to find one. Spend an afternoon trying some on and then give yourself a week to recover. That week off will give you time to regain your self confidence and do some last minute stomach crunches. Other than that, make sure you have your closest friends on speed dial so you can get moral support if you accidentally pick up a bathing suit from the teens' section!
Michelle
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Monday, March 12, 2007
My Mother's Wedding Dress
Everyone, male or female, has had a piece of clothing that they love. It could be an old rock t-shirt that's perfect for lazy afternoons or a pair of high heels that make you feel like a supermodel. Justine Picardie's My Mother's Wedding Dress explores the impact that certain items of clothing have had on her life. It may seem like a pretty shallow topic at first glance, but Picardie uses her memories to explore her family history and even to examine certain literary heroines.
I was afraid that this book might be "more style than substance" but I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised. Picardie spent time working at Vogue and has interviewed some of the fashion industry's biggest stars. But instead of writing about the designs they created, she writes about the impressions that she had of the designers themselves. Helmut Lang, for example, tells her that he tries to add something "angelic" to every line of clothing he does. His face lights up when Picardie tells him that a jacket he designed reminds her of wings. And Donatella Versace, the woman who took over her brother's empire, has "a truly haunted look about her." For once, it's possible to see that the artists behind some of fashion's most flamboyant styles are actually human beings.
Clothes have always played an important part in literature, especially for heroines. In Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre for example, Jane turns down a wardrobe of rich, luxurious gowns for the plain, simple dresses that she feels are more appropriate. Picardie explores even more examples in Daphne Dumaurier's Rebecca, Truman Capote's Breakfast At Tiffany's and even Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. (Everyone remembers Miss Havisham's rotting, yellowed wedding dress!) I'd never spent too much time analyzing the clothing in these novels, so it was fascinating to read Picardie's theories on the importance of certain outfits.
My Mother's Wedding Dress is a combination of memoir, literary criticism and celebrity gossip magazine. The book itself is a great example of how clothing can become a link between all sorts of different things, including book genres. While this book obviously isn't all that literary and it definitely won't be remembered as a classic, it's a great way to spend a rainy afternoon.
Michelle
I was afraid that this book might be "more style than substance" but I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised. Picardie spent time working at Vogue and has interviewed some of the fashion industry's biggest stars. But instead of writing about the designs they created, she writes about the impressions that she had of the designers themselves. Helmut Lang, for example, tells her that he tries to add something "angelic" to every line of clothing he does. His face lights up when Picardie tells him that a jacket he designed reminds her of wings. And Donatella Versace, the woman who took over her brother's empire, has "a truly haunted look about her." For once, it's possible to see that the artists behind some of fashion's most flamboyant styles are actually human beings.
Clothes have always played an important part in literature, especially for heroines. In Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre for example, Jane turns down a wardrobe of rich, luxurious gowns for the plain, simple dresses that she feels are more appropriate. Picardie explores even more examples in Daphne Dumaurier's Rebecca, Truman Capote's Breakfast At Tiffany's and even Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. (Everyone remembers Miss Havisham's rotting, yellowed wedding dress!) I'd never spent too much time analyzing the clothing in these novels, so it was fascinating to read Picardie's theories on the importance of certain outfits.
My Mother's Wedding Dress is a combination of memoir, literary criticism and celebrity gossip magazine. The book itself is a great example of how clothing can become a link between all sorts of different things, including book genres. While this book obviously isn't all that literary and it definitely won't be remembered as a classic, it's a great way to spend a rainy afternoon.
Michelle
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