After a completely futile and depressing trip to Winners to look at bathing suits, I've decided to write a post that will help women everywhere find that most elusive of things - a flattering bikini. I'd like to start by listing some simple rules that I like to keep in mind while trying on two-piece suits:
1. At no point should the crack of your ass be visible. Low rise bikini bottoms are obviously for women who have abnormal butts. If you're planning on sitting down while you're on the beach, you should consider a high rise bikini bottom. If you're planning on doing any kind of gymnastics on the beach, you should consider a one piece. If your butt crack shows while you're standing up, for God's sake, get another suit!
2. The bottom half of your boobs should not fall out of the bottom of the bikini top. If you are no longer wearing a training bra or have not recently had breast augmentation surgery, you probably don't want to wear a string bikini top - it's like trying to balance a grapefruit on dental floss.
3. The top half of your boobs should not squeeze out of the top of the bikini top. If you notice this, you should grab a larger size. (Ditto for any part of your butt that squeezes out of your bikini bottoms...)
4. Repeat after me: "Thongs are NOT an option!"
I think most women can appreciate the pain I went through. The first suit fit fine on the bottom, but the top was held together with dental floss and my boobs were falling out. The second suit gave me a serious case of plumber's butt, so I didn't even bother with the top half. The third suit was actually supposed to be in the teens' section but I only saw the "medium" tag on the hanger and didn't notice. (I may need therapy to deal with this one...) And the last one would have been perfect if I was in the habit of wearing diapers under my suit. It was nice to find one that was too big for a change, though.
So, my most important piece of advice for women looking for a flattering bikini: give yourself at least three months to find one. Spend an afternoon trying some on and then give yourself a week to recover. That week off will give you time to regain your self confidence and do some last minute stomach crunches. Other than that, make sure you have your closest friends on speed dial so you can get moral support if you accidentally pick up a bathing suit from the teens' section!
Michelle
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Monday, March 12, 2007
My Mother's Wedding Dress
Everyone, male or female, has had a piece of clothing that they love. It could be an old rock t-shirt that's perfect for lazy afternoons or a pair of high heels that make you feel like a supermodel. Justine Picardie's My Mother's Wedding Dress explores the impact that certain items of clothing have had on her life. It may seem like a pretty shallow topic at first glance, but Picardie uses her memories to explore her family history and even to examine certain literary heroines.
I was afraid that this book might be "more style than substance" but I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised. Picardie spent time working at Vogue and has interviewed some of the fashion industry's biggest stars. But instead of writing about the designs they created, she writes about the impressions that she had of the designers themselves. Helmut Lang, for example, tells her that he tries to add something "angelic" to every line of clothing he does. His face lights up when Picardie tells him that a jacket he designed reminds her of wings. And Donatella Versace, the woman who took over her brother's empire, has "a truly haunted look about her." For once, it's possible to see that the artists behind some of fashion's most flamboyant styles are actually human beings.
Clothes have always played an important part in literature, especially for heroines. In Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre for example, Jane turns down a wardrobe of rich, luxurious gowns for the plain, simple dresses that she feels are more appropriate. Picardie explores even more examples in Daphne Dumaurier's Rebecca, Truman Capote's Breakfast At Tiffany's and even Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. (Everyone remembers Miss Havisham's rotting, yellowed wedding dress!) I'd never spent too much time analyzing the clothing in these novels, so it was fascinating to read Picardie's theories on the importance of certain outfits.
My Mother's Wedding Dress is a combination of memoir, literary criticism and celebrity gossip magazine. The book itself is a great example of how clothing can become a link between all sorts of different things, including book genres. While this book obviously isn't all that literary and it definitely won't be remembered as a classic, it's a great way to spend a rainy afternoon.
Michelle
I was afraid that this book might be "more style than substance" but I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised. Picardie spent time working at Vogue and has interviewed some of the fashion industry's biggest stars. But instead of writing about the designs they created, she writes about the impressions that she had of the designers themselves. Helmut Lang, for example, tells her that he tries to add something "angelic" to every line of clothing he does. His face lights up when Picardie tells him that a jacket he designed reminds her of wings. And Donatella Versace, the woman who took over her brother's empire, has "a truly haunted look about her." For once, it's possible to see that the artists behind some of fashion's most flamboyant styles are actually human beings.
Clothes have always played an important part in literature, especially for heroines. In Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre for example, Jane turns down a wardrobe of rich, luxurious gowns for the plain, simple dresses that she feels are more appropriate. Picardie explores even more examples in Daphne Dumaurier's Rebecca, Truman Capote's Breakfast At Tiffany's and even Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. (Everyone remembers Miss Havisham's rotting, yellowed wedding dress!) I'd never spent too much time analyzing the clothing in these novels, so it was fascinating to read Picardie's theories on the importance of certain outfits.
My Mother's Wedding Dress is a combination of memoir, literary criticism and celebrity gossip magazine. The book itself is a great example of how clothing can become a link between all sorts of different things, including book genres. While this book obviously isn't all that literary and it definitely won't be remembered as a classic, it's a great way to spend a rainy afternoon.
Michelle
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Bloody Leo...
I developed an intense dislike for Leonardo Dicaprio after I saw Titanic. I couldn't watch him in any other role without picturing him yelling "I am the king of the world!" (This isn't his fault in any way, of course, and I recently read that the Titanic frenzy made him a little nauseous, too.) So it wasn't my idea to go see Blood Diamond. I sighed and rolled my eyes and then told my friend that I'd go but only because no one else would go with her. It turns out that she was doing me a favour by allowing me to discover an amazing film.
Danny Archer, played by Dicaprio, is a Rhodesian mercenary who is looking to make enough money to get out of Africa. While spending a night in jail Archer encounters Solomon Vandy, played by Djimon Honsou, a man who was forced to work in a rebel run diamond mine after his village was attacked. He gets free of the rebels during a government raid, but has been separated from his wife and children. He desperately wants to find them and Archer desperately wants a rare pink diamond that he believes Vandy can lead him to. Jennifer Connelly rounds out the trio of main characters as Maddy Bowen, an American journalist who wants to blow the illegal diamond trade wide open. She has the contacts and resources to find Vandy's family and Vandy will not help Archer unless he knows his family is safe.
The worst thing I can say about this film is that it was a bit long for me. It had some beautiful scenes and a lot of excitement, but two and a half hours is just too much.
Djimon Honsou was absolutely amazing. His Oscar nomination is well deserved and I hope he wins. Leonardo Dicaprio was good, partially because Honsou's intensity was a match for his own, and partially because he excels at playing characters who are morally ambiguous. Both men turned in great performances, but Jennifer Connelly didn't really add anything to the film. Her character seemed more like a plot device than anything else.
The relationship between Archer and Vandy is what really makes this movie worth watching. The two men are looking for the same thing, but for reasons on opposite ends of the moral scale. Somehow they manage to work together, but the results aren't what either one of them was expecting. *cue dramatic music*
Michelle
Danny Archer, played by Dicaprio, is a Rhodesian mercenary who is looking to make enough money to get out of Africa. While spending a night in jail Archer encounters Solomon Vandy, played by Djimon Honsou, a man who was forced to work in a rebel run diamond mine after his village was attacked. He gets free of the rebels during a government raid, but has been separated from his wife and children. He desperately wants to find them and Archer desperately wants a rare pink diamond that he believes Vandy can lead him to. Jennifer Connelly rounds out the trio of main characters as Maddy Bowen, an American journalist who wants to blow the illegal diamond trade wide open. She has the contacts and resources to find Vandy's family and Vandy will not help Archer unless he knows his family is safe.
The worst thing I can say about this film is that it was a bit long for me. It had some beautiful scenes and a lot of excitement, but two and a half hours is just too much.
Djimon Honsou was absolutely amazing. His Oscar nomination is well deserved and I hope he wins. Leonardo Dicaprio was good, partially because Honsou's intensity was a match for his own, and partially because he excels at playing characters who are morally ambiguous. Both men turned in great performances, but Jennifer Connelly didn't really add anything to the film. Her character seemed more like a plot device than anything else.
The relationship between Archer and Vandy is what really makes this movie worth watching. The two men are looking for the same thing, but for reasons on opposite ends of the moral scale. Somehow they manage to work together, but the results aren't what either one of them was expecting. *cue dramatic music*
Michelle
Sunday, February 11, 2007
U2 By U2
Compiled from years of interviews, U2 By U2 follows the band from their early days playing in school gymnasiums to the release of their last full album How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb. Bono, The Edge, Larry and Adam, along with manager Paul McGuinness, reminisce about thirty years of music with wit, humour and a whole lot of humility.
Album by album, song by song, each chapter deals with a different phase in the evolution of the band, and includes dozens of great photographs. And although the personal lives of the band are touched upon, it's the band itself that is the focus of this book. It becomes clear very quickly that U2 isn't about five different personalities, it's about an entity that has a power all its own.
The best part of reading this book for me was that it gave me the desire to relisten to each and every album as I was reading about it. I've been a U2 fan for almost twenty years, yet I found I still had a lot to learn about them. I came away with a better understanding of Bono's lyrics and Edge's guitar riffs, Larry's drum loops and Adam's bass lines. And beneath all the discussion of how their music has been created, I began see the ties that bind the band together. Each one of them had different reasons for joining the band, but in the end they all remained together because they knew they could become something special. They all believe that Atomic Bomb was their best album so far, but they also believe that they can still do better. Hopefully that means that I'll have another decade or two of music to listen to!
Michelle
Album by album, song by song, each chapter deals with a different phase in the evolution of the band, and includes dozens of great photographs. And although the personal lives of the band are touched upon, it's the band itself that is the focus of this book. It becomes clear very quickly that U2 isn't about five different personalities, it's about an entity that has a power all its own.
The best part of reading this book for me was that it gave me the desire to relisten to each and every album as I was reading about it. I've been a U2 fan for almost twenty years, yet I found I still had a lot to learn about them. I came away with a better understanding of Bono's lyrics and Edge's guitar riffs, Larry's drum loops and Adam's bass lines. And beneath all the discussion of how their music has been created, I began see the ties that bind the band together. Each one of them had different reasons for joining the band, but in the end they all remained together because they knew they could become something special. They all believe that Atomic Bomb was their best album so far, but they also believe that they can still do better. Hopefully that means that I'll have another decade or two of music to listen to!
Michelle
Thursday, February 1, 2007
Something Borrowed by Emily Giffin
I know it's pretty sad to start this blog with CHICK LIT of all things, but that's what I just finished reading. And even though I'm usually pretty dismissive of this genre, I have to say, this was one of the better examples.
Rachel's a successful attorney in New York City, but she hates her job and wishes she were more like her best friend, Darcy. Darcy's got everything - an exciting PR job, a six figure salary, a gorgeous fiancee and to make matters worse, she looks like a supermodel. But on the night of her 30th birthday party, Rachel discovers that maybe Darcy doesn't have everything after all...
This book poses a bit of moral dilemma for most women, because the heroine ends up having an affair with her best friend's fiancee. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes, but for any woman I know, your best friend's man is untouchable. Despite her betrayal, though, Rachel is intensely likeable, a feeling that is enhanced by the fact that Darcy is detestable.
This novel is remarkable because it doesn't stick to conventional ideas of right and wrong. For me, chick lit has always seemed very formulaic. Something Borrowed breaks out of that formula a little bit and dares to be more interesting. I'd definitely recommend this novel to my girlfriends!
Michelle
Rachel's a successful attorney in New York City, but she hates her job and wishes she were more like her best friend, Darcy. Darcy's got everything - an exciting PR job, a six figure salary, a gorgeous fiancee and to make matters worse, she looks like a supermodel. But on the night of her 30th birthday party, Rachel discovers that maybe Darcy doesn't have everything after all...
This book poses a bit of moral dilemma for most women, because the heroine ends up having an affair with her best friend's fiancee. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes, but for any woman I know, your best friend's man is untouchable. Despite her betrayal, though, Rachel is intensely likeable, a feeling that is enhanced by the fact that Darcy is detestable.
This novel is remarkable because it doesn't stick to conventional ideas of right and wrong. For me, chick lit has always seemed very formulaic. Something Borrowed breaks out of that formula a little bit and dares to be more interesting. I'd definitely recommend this novel to my girlfriends!
Michelle
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